Monthly Archives: May 2008

Hands-on Avocados

Rushing around Gotham in the mornings, between classes and martial arts sessions and trying to be home for a minute to do less than something, I find a produce vendor on the street – and this man, somewhere on 7th Ave in the 20s, sells the ripest avocados I can find. $1.50 a piece. I pick one up. I buy a few bananas, an apple, a Haitian mango. And a couple big navel oranges. Then I turn up the corner back to school. All the bananas are already eaten by the end of the two minute walk from the vendor to the door of the building.

Yellow peels in hand, I notice our slow-ass elevator lingering up at the seventh floor, so I just walk up to the fifth floor where I can eat and get dirty in that otherwise clinically sterilized environment. Impatient with the slow mechanical lift I rely on my own legs for the flight. I make it up to the fifth floor in no time, and barely winded.

I duck into the men’s room to wash my goodies really quickly. Others look at me curiously, but I don’t care. I haven’t eaten yet, and this morning I was working on Spring Leg No. 4 at the WuSu temple, and I only have twenty minutes during anatomy lecture break to eat all this shit. And I want that avocado the most. I need that filling fatty green fleshy goodness to lubricate and fuel my systems.

All I have is a bunch of napkins from the bathroom. How will I access the cream in this avocado with no silverware or bowl?

I look around. I retreat back into my own mind and see if there are any ingenuity neurons firing around in there. Ahah! I notice one in there, telling me to just use the tools I was born with…

So I start from the narrow top of the pear-shaped avocado with my thumb. I peel off the skin, letting my right thumb part the alligator-like covering from the fresh green flesh – and I get it all off in one piece in about 45 seconds or less.

Others be observing. I’m happy. I got green stuff on my hands and I’m biting into the creamy dreamy avocado flesh. Having consumed the meat, I suck the pit, lick some flesh off my fingers, and move on to the next fruity victim. I’m getting a good breakfast here, y’all.Whatchu care ’bout this young strange Afrikan peeling the skin off avocados like he was born with them in his lap, while y’all is eating unhealthy biscuits and sheeit?

And I eats my Haitian mango like an apple, consuming the skin and everything, and yellow mango juice going everywhere. I can get down with my fruits, and ain’t nothing anyone can do about it, son.

I thank my now advanced avocado-peeling skills to a week of practice. Everyone should try peeling avocados like that, and then just bite into the green fatty goodness like they were meant to.

Word up to my fruits and my wild raw vegans and fruitarians! We savor our healthy fruits like meatheads savor cruel artery-clogging steaks.

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